Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The Truth about Chuck Norris-- Ian Spector

So I have a funny story to share with you. Recently I observed a Young Adult Advisory Board (YAAB) meeting at one of our branch libraries. The YAAB leader, Holly, is much loved by this group of about 20 teens, but they tend to get a little rowdy, especially after soda and candy. Holly often has to shout to be heard over their not-so-dull roar, and at this most recent meeting, one of her loyal YAAB teens decided to interviene on her behalf. The teen stood up on her chair and shouted "Give Holly the respect you would give Chuck Norris!!" and instantly it was silent in the room. I couldn't believe it! The teens not only knew who Chuck Norris was, but they *LOVE* him. Apearantly, all the teens had read this book, The Truth about Chuck Norris: 400 facts about the world's greatest human. According to this branch library's YAAB group Chuck Norris is the funniest, awesomest topic that anyone could ever discuss. Has anyone else experienced this Chuck Norris phenomena?

And after that meeting, I figured I better read the book myself. Here are a few "facts" listed in the book for your reading pleaseure. Most of the entries in the book revolve around these four topics: Chuck Norris's beard, his genetailia, roundhouse kicks, and sex. Just a warning: some are pretty tasteless/offensive (by which I mean totally funny to teenagers and to this librarian who thinks like a teen).

"Chuck Norris's dog is trained to clean up it's own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone."

"The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain."

"When Chuck Norris was denied a McGriddle at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became Wendy's."

"Chuck Norris can impregnate women with only a glance. He can also do this to men."

"Chuck Norris eats coal and shits diamonds."

"When he is alone at night, Chuck Norris likes to wear slippers with bunnies on them. Real live bunnies."

"If you drop a phonograph needle on Chuck Norris's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' Pet Sounds."

"There are three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Chuck Norris Way. The Chuck Norris Way is the same as the wrong way, but with more roundhouse kicks."

"Chuck Norris's beard has a representitive in congress."

"Chuck Norris is so American, he can eay tyranny and shit apple pie."

"Ozzy Osborne once bit the head off a bat. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris then bit the head off of Batman."

"Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris."

And my personal favorite...

"Rainbows are what happen when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks Richard Simmons."

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